I’ve been learning to listen more

Lately, I’ve been trying to learn to listen more and I am not very good at it. I talk…a lot…and I have a hard time slowing down. I want to speak my mind and interject when I shouldn’t. I struggle with this the most in my prayer time. 

In the past two years, I have learned that there is so much more to faith than I was aware of. I’ve learned how God speaks to me and I’ve been learning how to develop my spiritual gifts. Most commonly, I feel connected to God during worship. I feel enveloped in His presence and I feel that as intense heat and a pressure in the back of my head (it’s really hard to put into words). When I’m out and about, I feel God speaking to me when I get chills. After I see, read, or hear something that He wants to use in my heart, I’ll get chills and see words in my mind. When I’m praying over other people I feel an intense heat in my hands when l lay hands on them. I’ll ask God what He wants to communicate to them and get words, feelings, or images. But when it comes to praying for myself I have a really hard time listening when I’m alone.

Listening doesn’t always have to be something big though. It can be as small and simple as not wearing headphones becuase you feel like you shouldn’t. Yesterday I took my dog for a walk. Typically I listen to a podcast while I walk her so I’ll wear headphones in both ears to allow me to really focus. Yesterday was different. I walked out of my house, locked the door, and only felt like wearing one. I kind of debated it for a second but quickly accepted it and moved on. About 20 minutes into the walk I thought I heard someone say, “Excuse me!” It was a faint and high pitched voice. I turned around but I was alone on the street. I did a full circle and didn’t see anyone so I started walking. Then I heard it again. “Excuse me! Can you please help me?” I stopped and started searching for the source. I almost missed her before because there were bushes that had blocked her from my view the first time she called to me. It was an elderly woman across the street. She was sitting on the steps in front of her home with her cane out of reach and her elbow was bleeding. I quickly crossed and went to help her. She asked if I could help her stand becasue she had missed the step coming down her stairs and had fallen. If I had been wearing both headphones, I never would have heard her. I’m grateful that I chose to not ignore that random little urge to only wear one.

Sometimes God does speak to us in bigger ways when we ask Him to. In January, I went to a retreat with some friends and God spoke to me big time there. We were going through a session with one of the leaders where he was teaching us to discern between God’s voice and our own. We would ask a question and then close our eyes and wait for a response. After a few minutes we’d stop and share what we experienced. The one that stuck out to me the most was when I asked the question, “Father, how much do you love me?” I saw the word forest in my mind and I didn’t get it. When I think of His love, I think of the vastness of the ocean. So where the heck did a forest come from? I took a leap and said, “Show me what you mean.” Green appeared behind my eyes. It was everywhere. All around me, green flashed past me and I realized I was running through a giant, endless forest. The canopy above me provided me shelter as I was running through the trees. I was laughing and I felt safe. I didn’t feel lost, I felt found, known, and loved. 

I’d never had an experience like that one before and I didn’t know what to do with it. I go back to that memory a lot when I am struggling. But I haven’t had anything that vivid again since. I was talking to a friend about this and she told me, “A lot of times we want God to speak to us in the ways that we desire. If He doesn’t respond in that way, we think He didn’t answer us. But He loves to use His kids. He speaks to us through other people all the time.” A few days later, I was listening to a podcast about advice and the speaker said, “Sometimes God sends a friend to speak for Him.” I went back to my previous conversation and started thinking about all of the people that pour into my life. I realized that because the Holy Spirit lives in us, that this is a form of listening and connecting to Him as well. I’ve been trying to sit still more and practice listening everywhere. Obviously, I still struggle but I’m becoming more aware when I need to listen or should have listened better. The simple fact is He loves all of us and He speaks to all of us. However, whether or not we are willing to learn to listen is up to us. 

How does He speak to you? 

Love and blessings,

Paige Riley

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